My Dad has been married 4 times.
The first time he married young and fast because his girlfriend was pregnant. They were both 18, I believe, and married the week after high school graduation. A week later his wife told him she didn't want to be married to him any more. I guess after that she took off because my Dad told me on Sunday when I called him to wish him happy birthday that after she told him that, he went looking for her and couldn't find her. He said he even tried to work up the courage to jump from the balcony of the 2nd floor apartment they'd rented but couldn't do it. He went home to his parents crying and told them his week old marriage was over. His Mom gave him a sleeping pill so he could sleep and his Dad took him into their bedroom and sat with him on the edge of their bed for a talk and HE was crying. (Now my grandfather was NOT a crier. There was nothing remotely soft or emotional or fatherly about him.) The marriage was annulled and my Dad give up all rights to the baby. He only saw her once when by coincidence he bumped into his ex and the baby girl in the supermarket. He hid behind a display but did get a good look at the baby who had his blond hair and blue eyes.
Dad married again quickly and fathered a son, Matthew. That marriage lasted about 3 1/2 years.
Me and my brother are from wife #3 and now he's married again.
I've known since I was quite young about my Dad's past. He's always been very open about it and has mentioned many times through the years that he had a daughter by his first wife. Even when I was at his house for a visit last October, he mentioned it again. He went on to say that his ex remarried and her new husband adopted the baby. I have wondered so many times: Where is she? Is she still alive? What happened to her? What's she like? At some point my Mom had told me Dad's first wife's name and that he believed the baby's name was Dana. That information stuck in my head.
I have an interest our family history and genealogy and about 10 years ago was researching my Dad's family tree and that "hole" in the family tree really bothered me. I spent some time online looking for my sister then. I tried Googling her name, tried searching on various genealogy web sites but didn't come up with anything. Then I hired a PI from WA state to trace her. I gave him the little snippets of info I had which wasn't much to go on. At the end of the trace, he sent me a written report which included the ex's name, the daughter's name (which was Dannette, not Dana), a copy of Dad's and his ex's marriage certificate and a mailing address for the ex in AZ. I took a chance and sent a hand-written letter to the AZ address explaining who I was and asking about the daughter. I don't even remember what all I wrote there but the letter was returned to me as "undeliverable". (I just came across that returned letter again 2 days ago.) I was disappointed but felt I'd reached a dead end and didn't know what else to do so I dropped it until recently.
Then about 3 weeks ago my Mom sent me the links to the FB profiles of two cousins (sisters) from my Dad's side who I have had no contact with since I was maybe 3? 4? I don't even recall exactly what they look like but I do remember playing with them at my grandparents' house. I sent both cousins a FB message and the older one got in touch immediately and we've been having fun getting (re)acquainted and it's freaky how similar our interests and lifestyles seem to be. She is very interested in the family history research I've done so the night after I got back in touch with her I got out my genealogy binder to see what I could pull to copy and send to her and I came across that PI's report from all those years back. I was perusing it to refresh my memory and as I was looking at the ex's name and the daughter's name it occurred to me: CHECK FACEBOOK! And "click, click"...there were both the ex and the daughter! Just like that.
OH BOY. I didn't know what the daughter knows. I didn't know what her mother's told her, if anything. She might believe someone else is her biological father. I didn't want to destroy any family relationships with some surprise information like this so....better not contact her directly. I popped Dad's ex a message explaining who I was, that I was doing family history research and this was a piece of the puzzle and asked if her daughter would welcome contact from me. She responded quickly that she didn't wish to communicate on FB and provided me with her email. Over the next 2 days I corresponded with her, gave her a brief synopsis of Dad's marriages and children from each, answered a few questions and told her that if she thought it best that I "leave it alone", I would. She was in shock but after 2 days of corresponding I finally was contacted by a lost treasure....my sister!
As an amusing aside, as soon as the ex's and daughter's FB profiles popped up, I caught up with my brother on FB and told him I'd just found them. He was like, "HUH? WHERE do you find this stuff?" And then said, "Do you really think you should pursue her? I mean, what if she's a total fiasco?" My brother is such a positive person. So little faith. (Believe me, all the worst case scenarios had gone through my mind as well. What if Dad's ex freaks out? What if she's nasty about it? What if the daughter doesn't know anything and the mother won't put us in touch? What if the mother tells me she was killed in a car accident or drowned? Or she's in prison for drugs?) But then Dannette and my brother had their first FB chat. As soon as they finished he popped me a message, the subject line of which said: "Dannette is awesome!" And the body of the message said: "That is all." He's tooooooo funny! I messaged back: "You may kiss me now." Ha ha!
I got the first message from Dannette on February 23. She seems happy to have been found. Either that or she's a really good actress. ;-) We have been emailing most days, having fun getting to know each other. She has been married to Jeff for 24 years and has two kids - girl and boy. This past Sunday we Skyped for the first time for an hour and a half!! Fun! The video picture wasn't that clear but I kept thinking, "She looks like Grandma."
I still can't believe this has happened, that it turned out as well as it did and I am amazed at how well she "fits" into the family. I keep pinching myself and can't keep the smile off my face. I just feel soooooo lucky!
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