Jokes

The following is a joke that I remember my grandmother typing and mailing to my Mom. I can still recall the thin page full of manual typewriter print that it was on. We all laughed so hard at this joke and used to pull it out to share with good friends on holidays or other social visits. It doesn't matter how many times I've read it, it's still funny.

The W.C.

An English lady, while visiting Switzerland, was looking for a room for a more extended stay, and she asked the schoolmaster if he could recommend any to her. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled, the lady returned to her home to make the final preparations to move.

When she arrived home, the thought suddenly occurred to her that she had not seen a "W.C." around the place. (In England, a bathroom is commonly called a "W.C." which stands for "water closet".) So she immediately write a note to the schoolmaster asking him if there were a "W.C." 

The schoolmaster was a very poor student of English, so he asked the parish priest if he could help in the matter. Together they tried to discover the meaning of the letters "W.C.", and the only solution they could come up with for the letters was Wayside Chapel. The schoolmaster then wrote the following note to the English lady:

Dear Madam:

I take great pleasure in informing you that the W.C. is situated nine miles from the room that you will occupy, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding about 229 people and it is open on Sunday and Thursday.

As there are a great number of people who are expected during the summer months, I would suggest that you come early; although, as a rule, there is plenty of standing room. You will no doubt be glad to hear that a good number of people bring their lunch and make a day of it. While others who can afford to go by car arrive just in time.

I would especially recommend that your ladyship go on Thursday when there is a musical accompaniment. It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband.

I can remember the rush for seats. There were ten people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one. It was wonderful to see the expression on their faces.

The newest attraction is a bell donated by a wealthy resident of the district. It rings every time a person enters.

A bazaar is to be held to provide plush seats for all the people, since they feel it is a long felt need. My wife is rather delicate, so she can't attend regularly. I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you, if you wish, where you will be see by everyone.

Hoping to have been of service to you, I remain,

Sincerely,

The Schoolmaster

And if you aren't laughing hard enough yet.........

The Bricklayer's Accident Report

The following is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board.

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground to suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.